What Moving in With My Boyfriend Taught Me About Money.

They say love is blind and every time I remember what my money went through in the name of love I can’t help but cringe.

I was in my last semester when I met him. A tall, dark, and handsome man as we all dream! He was in his fifth month working for a NGO and surely this was a gift from God for me. We started dating and there is nothing you could have told me about to make me see the red flags in the relationship.

In the second week of our relationship, let's call him Brian, invited me to his 1-bedroom apartment in Kinoo. Where I come from we do not go to people’s houses empty-handed. So I shopped. Mind you I had no job and was relying on my parent’s allowance which I was supposed to use for my transport, food and rent around campus.

This became a weekly habit. Every weekend I would go to Brians’ and do some grocery shopping like the wife-material I was. I would spend half of my weekly allowance on his grocery. But hey, I was in love and don’t we all spend on our loved ones?

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On the flip side, I had never seen a dime of Brian’s money.  He was busy working and saving to invest in our future so I had to take care of things. It’s not something we would really get into the details of but he would casually mention that he had put his money in an investment and would soon be able to spoil me. I never asked when.

I won’t talk about how I would do his house chores as we chilled during the weekend as that is a story for another day. 

I remember how on his birthday, which happened to be a month after we met, I took a mobile money loan to buy him a football jezi he wanted and how he later ‘forgot’ my birthday and never got me anything. When I got angry he brought flowers, and said he had a grand gift which he would give me later. I never saw it.

But that was not all. 3 months later I was done with my studies and I bagged a nice internship with a financial institution where I would get a salary of Ksh50,000. My parents decided to pull away half of my allowance as I got on my feet.

It was around this time that Brian and I decided that paying rent for two houses was too expensive and we should move to a 2 bedroom house in Embakasi which was Ksh15,000 monthly. I was working in Upperhill so the deal wasn’t so bad. 

And so we moved and it wasn’t until six months later that I sat and reflected on my financial health.

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My heart still aches when I remember how surprised I got when I realised I had been supporting us and that my savings account had less than Ksh10,000.

The 6 months living with my then boyfriend have to be the hardest time of my life. I was so busy playing wife that I didn’t realise that I no longer had friends and I hardly ever talked to my family.

Brian would pay for rent and guess who had to cater for groceries and utilities? You’re right. Yours truly. We never spoke about money. That’s just how it was. If he didn’t pay I’d just pay and if I asked the response was an attitude I wasn’t ready for.

I don’t like picking fights so I just did everything Brian didn’t. I did chores and kept our house full.

On this specific day I talked to Brian and he suggested opening a joint account. He was ‘sorry’ and should have seen it.

That was another grave mistake. After another 6 months Brian withdrew everything in our account and I never heard from him until a year later after I had cried and accepted that I had been a fool.

He came back apologising but of course once bitten twice shy! I still laugh at how stupid I had been.

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Reflecting on my experience of moving in with my boyfriend taught me crucial lessons about money and relationships. One of the most important takeaways is the significance of financial independence and open communication about money in any relationship. Love should never cloud one's judgement or lead to financial imbalance. 

It’s essential to discuss finances openly and agree on a contribution method that favours both parties. Finally, this experience taught me the value of prioritising my financial well-being and self-respect, reminding me never to compromise these for love or companionship again.