Money Confessions: I Took a Loan to Become The New “Bazuu wa Mtaa”‍

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For years on end, I badly wished to get a government job. To also identify as a civil servant. Having been raised by two civil servants I deemed it quite prestigious and that was my dream since I cleared high school.

We all know that it is one thing to wish and another to get. Right? After my college completion, the journey to endless applications began. As I say this I can recount how many newspaper cutouts I have in my house from those days...dozens!

Year in and year out, I was not shortlisted and that meant back to the drawing board. Or is it an application board?

This went on for close to seven years. As a married man now, having to fend for my people, I had to get jobs here and there to make ends meet and put some bread on the table. I ventured into academic writing and teaching in private schools but my heart was still in the hope of getting a government job. I never gave up.

The Dream Job

Then in 2021, the stars finally aligned! I got the job of my dreams and I remember marveling at my darling wife “Honey, see…it is permanent and pensionable.”

I was elated beyond measure. Oh, I had a Sunday service at my local church for Thanksgiving to finally attain my dream. I felt alive and ready to start life as a civil servant.

Whenever I met my peers who knew me, I made sure to share my joys. To some, I even bragged and said “ Ngoja sasa utaona nikiomoka.” Whenever I hung out with the boys to watch a match I would shikia them a kilo or two of nyam chom. Just because I wanted to affirm that indeed I was on another level. A rich man.

About six months after my confirmation, I got this intense urge to live larger. I mean, I have a secure job now, and I cannot keep living in this small house. Still using the second-hand sofa set I had gotten as a bachelor…I need an upgrade! I thought. As the days went on, an urge to upgrade and live like a proper civil servant kept pestering me.

Reality Check

When I had had enough and done my due diligence, I took a day off from work. I was going to have a meeting with my bank manager. I needed a loan. After all, being a permanent and pensionable employee, there is no way taking up a loan would be a problem, with an assured monthly salary, I was sure as day that I would easily pay off the loan.

Mark you, the only thing I knew I wanted was an upgrade, i had not planned what I wanted with the rest of the money, but I went ahead and took a loan of Ksh1.5 million.

As I left the banking hall, I could bet you a thousand bucks, my walking style had changed and so had my countenance! I was now a rich man. As we call them bazuu!! That evening I took my family out to a fancy hotel and we all had a 3-course meal. I gave a speech to my wife and kids and told them to mark this as the beginning of a new era! Dad was now a big man!

What followed was months of what Kenyans call fine life. We upgraded from a Ksh18,000 2-bedroom to an ultra-modern 3-bedroom apartment - Ksh45,000 monthly rent. For a while, vacations became a part of our family routine. And of course, the house underwent a transformation - a smart TV, a home office, Iranian carpets, a mega fridge and everything nice.

Financial Strain

After months of splurging and enjoyment, my wife was in the hospital ready to deliver our third-born baby. As I took a walk waiting excitedly yet nervously, I decided to go get some money and buy my wife and the baby a surprise gift.

 I have never forgotten how cold my body felt, or how heavy my knees got when I saw the number on my bank account balance. I had Ksh18,674! What? How? When? This must be a mistake, I checked and rechecked but the number was still the same. I had Ksh18,674.

I thought I was just getting started on this Bazuu life. I went back to the hospital and did not utter a word about the shocker. During the two days that my wife was away in the hospital, I took a chance and did my findings on what was going on and eventually reality struck! I was in trouble. Having squandered all the money and almost felt as though I had done nothing with it.

Once this money was depleted, I started feeling the pinch especially every end month when I had to cough out Ksh45,000 of rent. A newborn baby is expensive! When January came and my other two kids needed to go back to school I found myself going to get salary advances and laughing it off with my finance officer blaming it on Njaanuary but I knew the truth. I was sinking. 

I found myself getting a bank overdraft just to go grocery shopping. I felt as though my life, my dream was slipping off my fingers like fine grains of sand. When did I get here?

Lessons Learned

I could no longer keep up because I was getting choked up by debt and keeping up with the expensive life. Before I caved in, I remember one time my kids did not go to school for a month for lack of school fees. 

When I remembered that it was my retired mom who had given me a soft loan just to pay rent, and my brother lent me some money just to get fare to work, I had come to the end of the road. The countless times I had to turn down invitations to a boys’ hangout because I could not bear them knowing that I was now officially a dethroned bazuu…I isolated myself from family gatherings. 

Honestly, when I recount those moments, am grateful my wife stuck around because things were thick!

Eventually, I had to eat the humble pie and give up the house. Again strategically I made sure to move to a neighborhood where no one knew us so that it would also be easy for our kids to change schools. It pained them, it pained me, but I could not afford to. At least not at the time. I kept the furniture, I did. It is a constant reminder that lifestyle inflation is real.

I am now back in line, slowly paying my loan installments which have gone up significantly over the past year. I have learned hard lessons. To never take a loan that I have not carefully planned for. In the future, if I must take a loan let it be to purchase an asset or for a business investment and not to satisfy a vain need to look” rich”. As I pick up my life and its pieces, I now know to be true to myself, and to the people around me.