I Almost Got Married Only to Leave Him Because of His Money Habits

I know most people judge women harshly for leaving men because of financial reasons. What most do not realise is that it’s not only because of the situation the person is at the moment. Sometimes you look at a mans’ choices and know staying means suffering in the future.

When my ex-fiance proposed to me in November last year, I had never met his parents or been to his home.  We live in dangerous times where people move in and assume they are married after living together for more than six months. 

I had been dating Blake for 5 years when he proposed to me. It was grand. A nice hotel with a rooftop view of the city with all our uni friends present. I said yes to save face but later when we were alone I said that we have to seek all parent’s blessings before going ahead.

For the 5 years I had been with Blake, I had never met a bigger spendthrift. When we met Blake was in his final year in campus and the guy was living in a 2 bedroom apartment in South C.

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Blake spent money like a person who had never had to worry about a shilling in his entire life. And a good amount of that money was spent on me.

Expensive dates, gifts, holidays, name it, Blake and I had done it. All the things girls love, all the social media ideals, that was our relationship. And he insisted that he was the man so I shouldn’t spend time worrying about small small monies.

I was in a bubble. The only thing that had never settled well with me was the fact that Blake knew a good number of my relatives and I had never even met a cousin of his.

When I asked, I was met with stories of his siblings being abroad and that in due time I’d meet his parents.

According to Blake, he was the lastborn of 3. His elder sister was in the states for her PhD and his brother, the first born, was a resident in the US.

His parents, both teachers,  were in their retirement home in Nyakach and I would meet them sometime.

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Well, sometime had to be before we got married, right?

So post my proposal I gave Blake the ring back on condition that I’d take it back if we went to see his parents.

December came and it’s difficult to avoid the ‘family’ topic in that specific month. So Blake ran out of excuses and in no time I was on a road trip to Nyakach in my fiance's CX-5. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw my soon to be husbands’ home. This is not to shame where he came from but this is a guy who lived in a 3 bedroom apartment in Karen.

During my 3-day visit to my would be in-laws I learnt a lot about my would be husband. 

He had lied to me about his siblings. He did have 2 elder siblings and his sister lived with his parents and her daughter while his brother lived a kilometre away with his family as he taught in the local primary school.

His parents, sister and niece were sharing a mud, grass-thatched two-room house. During our stay, Blake had booked hotel rooms for us in a nearby town such that every evening he would drive the two of us to the hotel then the next day we would ‘pass by’ his home.

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There was no warmth with their relationship but there was no hostility either. His parents were nice to us. They made us meals which we pretty much had by ourselves as everyone else went about their business.

I have often heard stories of people who live lavish lifestyles in Nairobi in their youth and end up with nowhere to go after retirement.  In my mind these are people who do not look beyond today and it is a dangerous trait to have.

I broke up with him after our trip. 

Not because he came from a humble background but because we did not stand for the same values. Our money personalities would eventually clash and perhaps cause fights between us. 

I believe that you can be financially incompatible with a partner.