Money Lessons From My College Friends Who Married Early 

Deciding who you will marry is one of life's most important decisions. You are choosing someone who you will have a family with, someone you promise to love for the rest of your life.  Life doesn't have a manual and there is no set time for when you will meet the love of your life. Some people meet their other half earlier in life and get to enjoy the adventure of being young and married. You get to grow together not only in life but in your finances. 

When we talk of money in relationships of any kind, we are bound to meet some frustrations and tension, however, where there is a problem there is always a solution or way out of it. If you are newlywed or are thinking of tying the knot, here are some money lessons from my college friends that might be of interest to you.

1. Set Financial Roles

Knowing who is doing what is important for any couple with financial goals. Just like your role at your place of employment, you have specific roles and tasks you have to tackle to meet a company goal, the same concept applies to your married life. Having set roles will help avoid any confusion that may arise on who is doing what. 

Let’s say, you will be in charge of planning your day-to-day finances while your spouse will be in charge of keeping you both on track with your shared goals each month. Setting a clear financial system and roles will help you make sure you are both headed in the same direction. 

There are plenty of resources that could help you and your spouse get on the same financial page. If you are a reader, you could find books that you both like, such as Work Your Wealth. If you are into podcasts or blogs, there is plenty of material out there on the internet.

Read Also: Yours? Mine, Ours? How Couples Can Manage Money

2. Create Joint Goals

Now that you have clearly defined financial roles you and your spouse can create financial goals.  Couple goals are shared aspirations, dreams, and interests that a married couple wants to achieve together. Couple goals can be anything like saving for a down payment to buy your first home or buying a new car, starting a family, or creating a business. 

Having joint goals as a couple is important because:

• Without goals, it will be difficult to build the future you envisioned with your spouse when you both decided to pursue a life together.
• Having joint goals will ensure you are on the same page. 
• Shared goals can help you build a stronger bond and give you a sense of teamwork.
• It's an opportunity to grow together. 

It's so easy to get distracted by life and lose focus on what you want to achieve as a couple. Your couple goals might take a backseat and you might find yourself focusing solely on your individual goals. While individual goals are important because they facilitate personal growth and fulfillment, however, if in the process you end up neglecting your couple goals this may lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, resentment, and even disagreements. You should learn how to balance individual and couple goals.

Read Also: How to Build Wealth as a Couple in Kenya

Here are three tips to help you balance individual and couple goals.

• Communicate openly 

 Open communication is a great way to clear the air and find a way to balance individual and couple goals. Consider having regular conversations about your personal goals and interests and how they may align with your shared couple goals. This could help you identify areas of conflict and find solutions that work for you and your spouse.

• Prioritise Shared Goals 

It's easy to get distracted with life and put shared goals on an indefinite hold. Whether your goal was to pay off debt or save for a Christmas vacation as a couple you should consider making the time and putting in the effort to achieve these joint goals.

• Support Each Other’s Goals

Supporting your partner’s goals may build a stronger sense of respect and trust in your relationship. Consider trying to take an interest in your spouse’s hobbies and interests or at the very least, showing support and encouragement.      

One important thing to note when you are setting goals is your goals should be flexible and that they can change from month to month. Life has its twists and turns and it doesn't get easier once you are married so your goals might be in flux as well. By going through your goals together at least monthly, you can stay open to changes and embrace new goals as they arise.

3. Create a Budget You Can Both Live  By

Creating a budget provides you and your spouse an opportunity to talk about and develop a plan that works for both of you. It gives you both a front view of the real cost of living in your household and also reduces the possibility of being left in the dark. Having a conversation about priorities and spending is about lifestyle choices, a good starting point is to consider:

• How much debt you and your spouse are carrying 
• How high are your bills?
• How much is the cost of raising children?

Read Also: 9 Money Conversations to Have With Your Partner Before Getting Married

4. Don’t Let Your Salary Differences Come Between You

Rarely will you and your spouse make the same amount of money at the end of the month. As a result, you might think you have leverage over your spouse and a feeling of entitlement may arise. You might feel you have more say in how you will spend money. This thought may lead to relationship problems.  

There is no good reason to hold a higher income over your spouse’s head. You are on the same team. On the other hand, the person who brings in less income or stays at home with the children may also feel they shouldn’t have much say. For example, a stay-at-home mom may feel guilty for sharing her thoughts on their monthly budget or spending money on anything other than the necessities. It's good to remember that you and your spouse are on the same team and that you have an equal say in your marriage and money.

Read Also: 7 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Retirement Planning

5. Keep Purchases Open

Cheating on your spouse doesn’t have to be an affair, sometimes you might be unfaithful to your shared financial goals for example if you secretly open another bank account or take a loan your spouse doesn’t know about. 

For any relationship to work, there has to be trust. It's important to be open about any accounts or loans you may have. Remind yourself why you set shared financial goals, you are in this together.

Read Also: Love and Money: Financial Infidelity and the Damage it Does

Wrapping Up 

It's not a secret that for marriage to work, there is a lot of work that goes into it from raising kids to paying bills and a lot of behind-the-scenes action that will never get praised. Handling money as an individual can be tough and handling it as a team can be a cocktail of disaster if open communication as well as everything else discussed above is ignored.